Dear Missing Diary,
so...
my dad was just like me,
and it destroyed him.
I guess I've got a choice to make.
Either I lock myself away from the world and just disappear,
let this stuff just destroy me too,
or I could...
...make pancakes instead.
What's the point of letting this shit get me down?
No way. Not me. Not this time.
- You could just sit there thinkin' ♪
Pancakes are also a great peace offering...
Morning.
...for the little brother who got a black eye
because of your stupid mouth.
Are you drinking coffee?
Yeah. Want some?
Still mad at me?
Well, I mean, it still kinda hurts,
but lucky for you,
Veronica Thompson has a thing for tough guys.
She gave me a sticker.
Nice one, Goob.
I'm never washing these pajamas.
Also, made you lunch.
Cut the crusts off the sandwich.
Just wanted to let you know I care.
Are you okay?
Paint me yellow and call me fucking sunshine, Goob.
I think the key is when I start to feel upset,
to just decide to give less of a fuck.
The less of a fuck I give, the less likely I am to break shit.
Stay positive, Syd.
Problem solved.
Take five, ladies.
I guess we got three more miles. So much.
-Why'd she make us run so much?
Let's sprint...
I don't think I've ever seen you run that hard.
In fact, I don't think I've ever seen you run.
Oh, God, it's the worst.
Scotty, you're in!
Look, about the whole library situation...
I shouldn't have asked you to help me steal anything, Dina.
It was stupid.
Truth is, and I-- I know this is gonna sound crazy, but...
...I sort of had this, like... hallucination.
-Shit. -Or something, I don't know.
I was... just freaked out.
I mean, this is exactly the kind of crazy shit
you should be telling me, Syd.
That's what I'm here for.
I don't get it. I used to know everything about you.
I even knew what you had for lunch.
Now it's just, like, nothing.
Well, I guess I should tell you...
Today... I had an apple
and some peanut butter and chocolate milk
and, like, three cartons of Nerds.
- Ahem.
Uh, Dina...
Uh, yeah.
I was thinking, since you and Brad are, like, whatever,
and the big dance is tonight, maybe we could--
Oh, I've decided to kind of just lay low this year.
Cool. No worries.
That's, like, the third person that's asked me today.
I mean, I'm flattered, but, oh, my God, I am so over guys right now.
Yeah, me too.
What about Stan?
Stan and I, we're just...
better off as friends.
You know, if he ever decides to talk to me again.
You guys aren't going to homecoming together anymore?
Well...
any chance you might, uh...
wanna go with me?
Unless homecoming's for people like...
People like what?
People with... pep.
Well, I'm pep as fuck today, Dina.
-Let's do it!
Wait, we're not dressing up, are we?
You better bring it, Syd.
That's right.
It's homecoming.
Touchdown!
You remember, don't you, Dad?
Crowned king in '91.
They still got my picture hangin' in the auditorium.
How's that workin' out for you?
You the big man now?
Is that what this is?
Aah!
Dude, we crushed that game.
We lost by 28 points.
Still.
So, what do you wanna do?
Let's just say that tonight's gonna be fuckin' mind-blowing.
Okay.
Wow!
Syd.
A dress.
-Can you help me with the... -Yeah. Yeah.
...with the buttons in the back?
You know,
the first time your dad and I kissed was at a school dance.
-Dad! At a dance?
I know, it's hard to imagine, but your dad actually had some moves.
It was my sophomore year,
and I-- I went with this senior, Charlie Murray.
His hair did this amazing swoop thing.
I'm pretty sure he used a lot of hair spray.
Wow, please tell me this ends in Dad punching this guy in the face.
Oh, not quite.
You see, I-- I didn't know any of Charlie's friends,
and they thought I was just some dumb sophomore,
so he ditched me to hang out with them.
And your dad...
he saw me just standing there all alone,
and he came over, and he asked me to dance.
Before I said yes,
we just looked at each other and somehow,
we knew.
All done.
You look beautiful.
Thanks.
I've been such a dick.
Yes, you have.
It's just...
I miss him.
Yeah.
Me too.
Oh, hey, D.
Syd'll be a minute, but, uh, you can come inside.
Have a seat.
Okay.
Can I get you somethin'? Some tea, some coffee?
It's French roast.
Checkin' out my face, huh, D?
Pretty cool, right?
You should see the other guy.
Syd, you...
I brought it, right?
Yeah. Big time.
All right, you two, remember.
No smoking, no drinking,
be home by eight o'clock.
It's 7:45.
And most importantly, Syd...
Yeah, Goob?
Have fun.
-Okay, so, I have a question.
What's your deepest, darkest secret?
What?
I-- I mean, you know...
Um...
like, do you have any zits in weird places, or--
Eww! Gross.
Yeah.
-Gross.
-Do you want some?
Marijuana is a gateway drug.
Uh-huh. And, um... Okay, what-- what comes next?
Mushrooms, then MDMA,
then cocaine, then crack, then heroin,
then gasoline, huffing it,
then death.
Here's hopin', Mercedes.
-Okay.
-Do you want some punch? -Sure.
We could-- we could go and dance.
-Uh...
- Okay.
Best theater in town, huh?
I'm pretty sure you specifically said you weren't coming to this.
I wasn't.
Well, aren't you worried about being followed?
-No one's following me, Stan.
It was... it was all in my head.
I should've told you I was coming.
--
Syd, I know that we're not...
like, a thing, or together, or whatever, and that's...
and that's cool, I...
-I mean, you gotta know I...
-I really like you.
-I really like you too, Stan.
A lot.
Just not in that way.
Yeah. I guess I knew you'd say that, eventually.
-So who are you here with, anyway?
-Dina.
Well, does she know about you?
-Does she know about me? In what way?
Well, that you're a superhero.
-Right. Right.
You're the only one.
-Cool.
-Also, I'm really not a super-- -Just-- just give me this one thing.
Please.
Come on.
Stan!
Dina, you look, um... you look like a Christmas tree.
-Thanks, dude. -Uh-huh.
Oh, God. Whitaker's still watching us.
It's probably the most exciting thing that's ever happened in his entire life.
Mm. I don't know, guys.
I mean, we're wanted criminals. Why are we out here in the open?
Exposed. First rule of the heist is split the loot and split the fuck up, right?
What loot?
All we did was disrespect this fine institution.
- Mm. -And disrespect ourselves.
- Yes.
Oh, no. On principle, I just-- I can't. Sorry, this playlist is all over the map.
-I'll-- I'll be back. -Okay.
Hey, dude, can I request a song?
- Never.
What do you mean, never heard of Bloodwitch?
Do you wanna dance?
Sure.
-Milady.
-So...
We never really talked about that night at Ricky's.
-Oh.
-Yeah, I-- I-- I'm sorry about that.
No, don't apologize.
I was just... I was wondering what that kiss was about.
-I just wasn't expecting it.
Yeah.
I'm really sorry.
Well, it's just, ever since it happened, I...
-I've been thinking...
-I didn't... not like it.
So you know.
-Oh.
Okay.
-So...
So...
All right, ladies and gentlemen, if I may have your attention.
Stop talking. Look up here, please.
It is my privilege to introduce your homecoming king and queen,
Jeff Butters and Julie Frasheski!
What up, Westinghouse!
Yeah! Where my boys at? Whoo!
Where do I begin?
I wanna thank my mom for meeting my dad--
-Listen up!
-...do that! Brad, you can't do that! -Give me a second.
Give me a second!
I would like to take this moment
to talk about something very important
that affects everyone here.
Sydney Novak!
Hey, Sydney.
Raise your hand.
Give a wave so everybody can see you.
You see, what a lot of people don't know about Sydney here,
she is one hell of a writer.
What is he talking about?
You know, it's... it's funny,
because everyone is so fast to call me an asshole,
but while I was downstairs banging Jenny Tuffield at Ricky's...
...guess what Sydney was doing upstairs.
She was kissing my girlfriend.
Now, don't get me wrong, chicks get drunk,
they make out sometimes, and I'm all for it, but...
being a full-on dyke,
that's a whole other ball game.
I mean, Syd is fucking in love with Dina.
Page after page, it's absolutely pathetic.
Oh, shut up, Brad.
And, my God,
don't even get me started with the daddy issues on this one.
Everyone in her life thinks that she's a piece of shit.
And I mean everyone.
- Ooh-hoo! -Hey, man! Leave her alone!
But that is not even the weirdest thing about Sydney...
Shut up!
...Novak.
Fuck!
Shut up. Just shut up.
Get this.
-Sydney claims that she has-- - Shut up!
- I tried.
-I tried to be normal.
-But I'm just not wired that way.
Thanks, Dad.
-I didn't mean to...
-I just wanted him to stop talking.
That's all.
Maybe I'll just... run away or something.
Hide somewhere,
where no one else can find me.
Ever.
I think I finally understand how lonely my dad must have felt.
Who are you?
Should I be afraid?
They should be afraid.
Let's begin.